Obama and Rudd to open playbooks

Don’t believe the hype.

Yes, the purpose of President Obama’s impending visit is to celebrate 70 years of Australian-US Diplomatic relations. It’s also a chance for Prime Minister Rudd to do some advance scouting.

When it comes to the sporting demographic the Member for Griffith has ‘lost’ his players and is desperate need of fresh tactics.

The writing is on the wall for Coach Rudd. Who recently referred to the excitement of Winter Olympic gold medallist Torah Bright as ‘a cat on a hot tin roof’. Exhilarated, yes, reward for years of disciplined training, check, but comparing Bright to a sweltering frightened feline?


Enter the President of the United States. Rudd must be straddling his Brisbane Lions jersey at the prospect of President Obama revealing his playbook. After all the PM is a competitor not afraid to sacrifice his own ego for the team. He wants to win.

As the media focuses on a fresh Opposition leader with panache for pre-dawn pushy rides and beaching in his Speedos, the arm wrestle to hold the nation’s attention is fierce.

What is there to lose: Office? Pride? Surely it’s the chase that matters most.

With both leaders keen to avoid the trappings that the one-term, one-title tag would attest, why not spend some time going over re-election strategies, whip up a few offensive plays; a few defensive options wouldn’t go astray either.

In the lead up to the President’s visit, taking cues from coaches in the Kevin Sheedy or Wayne Bennett mould, Rudd has been playing mind games through the media.

Rudd casually lobbed the news of the President’s visit with the cheeky line ‘We are allies, we are trading partners, and we co-operate on international challenges confronting all nations’.

That’s Ruddspeak for ‘Mate, my Olympics are coming up, I’m not the rookie anymore, they’re gunning for me mate, I need a fresh approach. Help me and I’ll throw you a forward pass (quarterback-style) come 2011’.

Unfortunately for the PM, his record speaks for itself.

The pain of losing consecutive Prime Minister’s XI matches is compounded by naff timing when unleashing a binge drinking mantra ‘Know when to declare’ on unsuspecting Boxing Day test patrons before a shoulder had even rolled over.

Catch Rudd appearing on an AFL or NRL telecast and you’ll understand why the nation’s leader is often pinned with the ‘daggy-dad ‘tag.

Each appearance feels like an exhaustive week of training has preceded it. A week practicing the ‘one–button open’ shirt option, only for Rudd to get the jitters, abandoning the game plan in favour of a more radical ‘two-button open’ approach, which comes across on screen as simply trying too hard.

The President, who usually abstains from picking sides predicted the recent New Orleans Super Bowl XLIII win, has more wins than losses when it comes to taking on the sporting world.

While President Obama’s sharp oration skills established his leadership credentials, the 44th President will no doubt tell Rudd that the defining moment he stamped his authority came throwing the ceremonial first pitch in Major League Baseball’s All-Star showcase.

The Chicago native, wearing a hometown White-Sox spray jacket, pitched a left hander to the plate and into the glove of MLB superstar Albert Pujols, as good a tactic as any to sure up Cabinet support.

Maybe the Rudd Government should conduct Cabinet meetings on the court? The Obama administration’s love of pickup basketball games has been well documented by The New Yorker and Politico.

In fact when a young Michelle Robinson first started dating the President-to-be, the now First Lady asked her brother Craig Robinson, coach of college basketball side Oregon State, to play the President in a pickup game and report back on the potential suitor’s character.

Coach Rudd may have a few congenial-TV-charisma deficiencies but the President has him covered with plenty of experience to expel on the eager apprentice.

Like the time a crew, including Vice President Joe Biden, senior advisor David Axelrod and personal aide Reggie Love (a Duke University alum) accompanied the President to a Georgetown Hoyas vs Duke Blue Devils NCAA basketball game in Washington D.C. .The President mingled with minimal security and fuss even contributed some well versed commentary to the televised broadcast.

In between furiously jotting down notes from the (Pro), and hyperventilating over how to best implement the new tips into a re-election training regime, the PM could tap the mind of US Secretary of Education, Arne Duncan. From 1987 to 1991 Duncan played professional basketball in the Australian National Basketball League for Victorian side Eastside Spectres.

As well as busying himself implementing an ambitious new education agenda, the former Spectre could run his eye over the revamped NBL to see how it’s holding up in its inaugural season.

Rudd, in an attempt to appeal to Australia’s wider sporting community, could take Duncan’s assessment and release the findings in a Duncan Report - a Rudd led Government cares about ‘working-sporting organisations’ - that sort of thing.

Nobly, the President and PM will forego trading plays on how best to tap into the sporting mainstream to focus on ‘real’ issues like the economic recovery, climate change, clean energy, nuclear non-proliferation and the war in Afghanistan.

Sure 70 years of diplomatic relations is worth celebrating but it's the performances of each leader’s re-election campaign that will determine who wins out.

If you think it’s worthy and can spare the ink please email your thoughts, opinions to litresofink@gmail.com